My Sacral Expression -Chakra-2
Svadhisthana (Sanskrit: स्वाधिष्ठान, IAST: Svādhiṣṭhāna, English: “where your being is established.” “Swa” means self and “adhishthana” means established.) or the sacral chakra, is the second primary chakra according to Hindu Tantrism. 2nd Chakra- responsible for personal identity, sexuality, and creativity.
“Some of us aren’t meant to belong. Some of us have to turn the world upside down and shake the hell out of it until we make our own place in it.”
― Elizabeth Lowell
From highlighter orange shoes to bright-colored jewelry, I love being colorful. In childhood, I expressed this immensely through various mediums. Fingerpainting, Mosaicing, sculpting I did it all. What I couldn’t do was express verbally how I felt, in my first 5years of life I didn’t speak. I was thought to have a speech problem but in reality, I didn’t care to talk to anyone except my little brother. I didn’t trust, only through non-verbal expression was I comfortable letting it out. Don’t bother asking me to explain it, I assumed everyone just felt how I did and just knew.
Being apart of western culture, this immediately led to most of my abuse and misunderstandings for parents are taught children who exude these behavioral symptoms need special help! If you’re not acting like the other kids you’re watched closely. The adults in my life couldn’t understand why I had so many “Gifts” but was “textbook dumb”. My adopted parents hated when I wouldn’t have much to say when I’d get bad grades. Except I don’t know. What did know was I didn’t feel like being told who I was and what’s wrong with me.
War at home and within
After the age of 8, I began slowly letting go of my visions of art, I began to shut down completely from the tension and stress of moving around frequently. If I didn’t talk or forcefully say I love you to my adopted parents I was demonized and my art was destroyed. My parents would say “You’re supposed to love us not that stuff” and if I didn’t I could go sleep outside with the dog. As a kid when you’re forced into saying yes to a judge because your little brother has it all, you opt into adoption by unhealed sad folk. I couldn’t wear my self-made jewelry nor any colors I actually like “Dark people don’t wear bright colors” they’d say.
All of who I actually was being tainted and stripped away, I felt this even at 8. A spent the next 8 years planning to run away to freedom at 16 and I did so. I loved deeply but found it hard to express to angry drunks, who hit you to teach lessons. I dreamed of a place far away, where I could create no matter what I knew I’d never let the real me go! I started to wear extra band T’s under my clothes and began slowly rebelling in my teenage years. The creative force within me was too strong and couldn’t be silenced.
“One must still have chaos in oneself to be able to give birth to a dancing star.”
― Friedrich Nietzsche
Fueled for Healing
Through high school without parents and homeless shelters, I lived it up! I was the Ferris Beuller of my time and everyone cheered me on. Up to adulthood, you’d catch me at any drum circle or musical concert getting down. I don’t hit the canvas as much anymore but I am apart of an art collective of amazing people CREW NATIVE. We do our best and give back with free art for the kids where I always headline. Before I knew it my life has been like a giant summer vacation, where I fail to realize at times all my dreams have come true and blossoming. From the day I ran away with my Led Zeppelin shirt to 11 years later now, I can say it hasn’t been easy but very graceful.
Being present has deeply helped me to reformat who I am and pinpoint where I lost myself even years ago. An energetic breadcrumbing of the self back to your true identity. The more I allowed myself to open the vaults of the past, cry, yell, create, etc I see life once more as an infinite well of creativity. This is so too he or she who sees inspiration and friendship in even a grain of sand as an expression of universal matter. Enlightening to the deep shadows are no walk in the park and you have to be willing to feel it. Feeling it for me allows me to transmute it as well as override the constructed self by returning to the source.
Smudging and wiping away the shrouds of pain and plagued self-esteem. Never forgetting but rewriting these moments with new ones, to the point my subconscious has released the old way of “I”. Like mastering a skill the more you work at it the easier it gets then it’s practically automatic. Instead of punishing myself in a prison of shame, doubts, and fears I use them as fuel for the reignited flame of the higher self! My pains and past become the wings of freedom and healing. I personally love the journey and every taste of self-enlightenment through deep healing.
Great spirit brought me to do as I have and I shall. You should too however you choose, consult the inner you that child inside and you'll know what to do next. We are deeply loved and guided to achieve our soul's bloom! We will together! Be You! I believe in You!